Welcome to a truly unplanned, yet deeply resonant, episode of Radio Tipping Point! Today's show, "Tis the Season to Play Victim," is a Christmas De Capo – a three-part journey based on the fictitious, yet all too real, story of Emily. This episode wasn't in the original program, but a sudden epiphany 💡, much like Nick Cave's irresistible urge to sing the song he swore he wouldn't 🎤🎶, compelled me to share this brewing thought.
I found myself wrestling with that familiar feeling of vulnerability 🛡️ when talking about things too close to home. But we understand the importance of overcoming that discomfort, and so, I agilely pulled together this broadcast.
In the first part, I introduce you to Emily, a compassionate soul in Harmonyville whose genuine desire to give back to society leads her down a path of mental anguish 😔. Her initial joy of giving transforms into a punishing ordeal as requests for help turn into a flood 🌊, making her a "reluctant victim of her own benevolence". Does this sound familiar? 🤔
This time of year, my inbox overflows 📧 with appeals from organizations, many I'd forgotten I was even involved with. They start with their good deeds, then hit you with the punch: "We are losing funds and we really need your help. Please give now!" 3This relentless inundation, with increasingly dramatic narratives 4, often leads to a feeling of giving as an obligation (GAO). And as I see it, when giving is no longer free, it ceases to be true giving.
I then delve into three scenarios, still following Emily's journey. We explore the initial requests for financial assistance 💰, where Emily, seeing a friend in need, offers help with no expectation of immediate repayment, driven by the belief that giving builds something much bigger than ourselves – a "we and not me" mentality.
However, the generosity doesn't stop there. As word of Emily's kindness spreads, the requests multiply, and what were once hesitant inquiries become direct demands. Emily begins to feel taken advantage of, leading to internal conflict and the realization that her giving is causing her hardship. She starts to notice a pattern of exploitation and emotional manipulation. These individuals, smelling blood 🩸, push Emily into the uncomfortable role of the "perpetrator", making her responsible for their demise if she doesn't help. Feeling trapped and distraught 😥, Emily considers going into hiding 🙈, a reaction that unfortunately impacts all her relationships and leads to depression.
I use Emily's story as a classic example of the drama triangle 📐, where the roles of victim, perpetrator, and savior are constantly shifting. I explore how the savior (Emily) often feels a duty to others, and how victims manipulate the situation, pushing Emily into the role of the perpetrator when she doesn't fulfill their expectations. This contradicts Emily's core belief that giving should be a free choice, not an obligation.
Drawing on Robert Putnam's "Bowling Alone" 🎳, I reflect on the dissolution of community and how, in our affluent society, it's often easier to give money than time. This leads me to a provocative, yet crucial, point about some organizations: their very existence can inadvertently become tied to suffering, making it in their interest for people to continue to suffer. I argue that a significant portion of donations can end up fueling marketing machines rather than directly helping those in need.
My own recent revelation this year is that when offering time and expertise pro bono to organizations that genuinely need help, I've encountered a strange reluctance to accept it. I've come to the stark conclusion that many individuals within these organizations don't value your time because they don't value their own time. This transactional mindset, where time's value is directly tied to monetary remuneration, prevents them from seeing the immense value of donated time and collaborative problem-solving.
I wish for all of you to use your time wisely ⏳, find your passions 🔥, and never get discouraged in giving 💖. Let's collectively create a world where we give because we want to, not because it's expected or transactional. We can do this – but only by supporting each other 🤝!
